Alex, Dear…
Whenever my partner and I have a disagreement, he shuts down and say everything is “fine,” even when it clearly isn’t. I want to solve the problem, but I can’t fight a brick wall. How do I get them to open up? — Talking to the Wall

A: Wall, here is the hard truth: You can’t make someone communicate who doesn’t want to. By chasing them around the house demanding they “talk to you,” you aren’t solving the problem—you’re participating in a toxic dance. You’re the pursuer, he is the withdrawer, and as long as you keep pushing, they’re going to keep building that wall higher.

Stop being the emotional janitor of this relationship. The next time he hits you with a fake “I’m fine,” don’t argue. Don’t plead. Just say: “Okay. When you’re ready to be honest about how you feel so we can actually fix this, let me know. I’ll be in the other room.” And then—this is the hard part—actually leave him alone. If he nevers come to you, you don’t have a communication “hiccup”; you have a partner who is emotionally immature and unwilling to do the work. You deserve a partner, not a project. If they refuse to dismantle the wall, eventually you’re going to have to decide if you’re okay living on the other side of it forever.